'Chav' Your Burberry Up Your Pipe

Burberry, what a load of shite and the so called 'Chav' that wears it. What is a Chav you ask? A Thug basically. Chavs have such a tribal dress code that you can spot one yards away! Now what makes the Chavs attire so funny is that they think they are at the cutting edge fashion and that by adorning their body with hunks of worthless 9ct gold crap they look rich! In reality what they do look like are a bunch of fucking pikeys!


Chavs listen to only 3 music genres; Rap, R&B and Dance. Rap for the boys, R&B for the girls and Dance for both sexes. Extensively most of the music they listen to is in the Top40 or has been at some point in the last year. If a Chav listened to non-chart music they may suddenly have a moment of enlightenment that there is more to music than trashy compilations and they will eat their own brain in confusion!

Of course chavs like a star as much as the rest of us, but their community hero worships their own and so we witness the popularity of Jean Claude Van Damme, Jet Li and the previously mentioned Van Diesel. The presence of an R&B star such as 50 cent, Aaliyah or Ice T is almost enough to make a chav wet their pants in excitement. If this presence of musical talent is teamed with a kung fu god the chav watching will also leap up and down and proclaim it as 'best film ever'. A good example of this would be 'Romeo must die' starring Aaliyah and Jet Li and DMX. Any mention however of the Romeo and Juliet style plot will of course be ignored. Also if a film has gone straight to video then it wasn't getting ideas about its station and can be loved like a slightly inbred cousin.

As much as the chav loves kung fu, other favourite genres would include horror and sci-fi. Horror must of course include as many killings that are as graphically rendered as possible. Psychological horror would have to be a horror with a psycho in it that does killings with blood. Sci-fi must be full of aliens, that also do killings. Any attempt to explain the 'science' will be met with distrust (the attempt to explain what was going on in the Matrix was only tolerated as there was lots of kick arse kung fu) and labeled as 'boring bits'.

Now, do you actually fit in to the Chav profile?