Dear old dirty London - Shite Hole?

For its range of theatres, museums, galleries and beautiful squares, London is unbeatable.What’s not to love about London? Oh, where to begin?From t he moment you touch down at one of London’s five international airports, it seems the city is doing its best to repel you. The roads and transport links into town are, frankly, a disgrace. (So there’s the 15minute Heathrow Express, but unless you have a train to the West Country to catch, who wants to end up in seedy Paddington?) And the distances to its airports - City excepted - are excessive.Then there’s the dirt, the litter, the noise, the rudeness, the crumbling transport infrastructure, the sheer size, not to mention the expense - London is officially a pricey place to be, second only to Tokyo in terms of living expenses.

The streets are filthy and poorly lit, there are horribly persistent beggars everywhere, and the place is overrun by groups of marauding yoof, out on the booze and aggressive and foul-mouthed with it. Drug-dealing takes place more or less openly, and the atmosphere is deeply depressing when it isn't downright threatening.

Of a policeman on the beat there is hardly ever a sign. When you do see the cops they are usually huddled together in their vans as if for mutual protection from the mean streets outside. "I'm not going out there if I can help it," I often imagine one plod saying to his mates. "It's far too rough and dangerous. Another hand of cards, anyone?"

I've come to the conclusion that London is way behind, it's a dirty shite hole and I don't miss the place at all.